I have been debating this in my mind for the past month or so and really need BM's opinion on this issue and how I am feeling....need guidance as to how or what I should do...
I know a lot of BM will tell me not to be a fool and that I have fallen in love...maybe I have, I am just not sure what I am feeling...some will also ask me to man up and move on and point out that there are plenty more fish in the sea etc etc...
Of course you can all say what you want, but such comments will not really help me with my confusion / state of mind..
I have been coming to Thailand for the past 7 years / 8 trips....
I am fairly well off, well settled guy from the UK....have been married 3 times, now divorced. I started punting over 18 years ago, mainly in the UK to begin with, then started punting in Europe until I found Thailand!
Since then, I have not punted in Europe, only locally in the UK to satisfy my needs.
Anyhow, I first met a TG, I will call her Ann, in 2008 on my second trip to Patts....she worked in a BB and the first day I went to her bar, I was attracted to her...she is very friendly and genuine
During that trip of 15 days, I bar fined her every day, even the days I didnt want to bar fine her, she would beg me to bar fine her saying she didnt want to go with anyone else! On a few occasions when I was not in the mood take a lady for the night, she still wanted me to BF her, and I would tell her that I will bar fine you but no Boom Boom and no money, she can sleep with me at my hotel...she would readily agree! Of course, I paid her the following day, bcos lying next to her, I could not resist Boom Boom.
I must say, I got very attached to her...we would go everywhere...drinking, Go Go's, cinemas, bar hopping, shopping, sightseeing etc etc. I never bought her any clothes / gifts, but paid all for all the meals drinks and entertainment.
On the day I left Patts to return home, we exchanged mobile numbers and agreed to stay in touch...
Over the next few months we kept in contact by sending each other text messages once every 3/4 weeks...I never sent her any money, nor did she ask for any....
A few months later, I suddenly lost contact with her...she would not return my txt messages, and when I called her mobile, I got an unobtainable tone....
In 2009, when I returned to Patts, I tried calling her once in Thailand, but same result...number unobtainable! I went to the BB where I met her, and the owner and the mammasan recognised me straight away....I asked them about Ann, and they told me that a few months after I left she went back to BKK and they had not heard from her either!
I was really missing her, she was so easy to get on with and I really cared for her!
I returned to Patts again in 2010, and once again tried contacting her, but no joy!
In 2011, when once again I returned to Thailand, I still could not get over her...so with my fingers crossed, i called her again, but this time the number rang and Ann answered! You can imagine the joy I felt!
We talked a little, I told her that I really missed her and wanted to see her...she told me she cant bcos she looks after her sisters baby who is autistic and cannot be looked after anyone as her sister goes to sell fruits and her brother in law is a teacher and goes to work....I was sad but nothing I could do!
Until my return in late 2012, I tried contacting her several times but lost contact again..
In 2012, once again when I landed quite late I stayed one night in BKK, the first thing I did was try to call her....someone answered, but could not understand a word I spoke! She had changed her number!
The following day, I went to Patts...checked into my hotel, went out to change some cash and on the way back poped into the BB that Ann worked. You can imagine my surprise and Joy when I say Ann! I was shocked and happy at the same time. She was pleased to see me too!
Apparently, she had just started working at the BB that day (it was a Sat)...it was her first day since leaving Patts in early 2009! How lucky was I?
Ann was still the same easy going happy person I knew 4 years ago, only she had lost a bit of weight (not that she was plumb or anything). We talked a bit and had drinks and then I bar fined her and we spent the whole day talikg about where she had disappeared to since early 2009.
Apparently, she went back to BKK where she comes from and stayed home for a few months, before she and a cousin decided to go to Singapore to earn some money. They (Ann and her cousin) stayed there for a few months, but didnt really like it as they lived in fear of being caught working, and returned to BKK in early 2010.
In 2010, her sister gave birth to a baby boy, and she helped her sister with looking after the baby and also going with her sister to see fruit / vegetables. She showed me pictures of her sister and herself selling fruits and also that of the baby.
She tells me that over the next 18 months, thats all she did...helping her sister with her business and looking after her sister's baby as the baby is mildly disabled and very hyper
Anyway, that day I told her that I wanted her to stay with me everyday for the rest of my trip, but she told me that she was only in Patts to work at weekends as she needed to look after her sister's baby during the weekdays from Monday to Friday afternoon, and that she would return on Friday by bus after her sister came back from work...I was naturally disappointed and also feared I would not see her again. BTW, I am very good at hiding my feelings and did not let her know how I felt...
On Sunday when she was leaving, she never even asked me for any money for the LT, and only took it when I insisted on paying her. She promised to return on Friday and had told me that she understood that I was only holiday and would BF other ladies while she was in BKK. Her only request to me was NOT to BF any ladies from the BB she worked in....she told me it will cause her problems, which I didnt understand, but think it was to save face and avoid gossiping between the ladies working at the bar. I kept my promise and never bar fined any ladies from that BB...I would go there everyday for a drink and play pool, but never took any ladies. The mammasan and the lady owner also asked me if I wanted to BF any of the other ladies, but I made my excuses...I think they knew I would not doit out of respect to Ann.
The following Friday, Ann returned and once again I paid her BF d=for the Fri and Sat, and Sun she would return to BKK. The same pattern followed until Friday when Ann returned. This was my last weekend and I was flying back to the UK on Wed, so Ann decided to stay with me until I was going to BKK to catch my flight home and she would go back to her sister's straight from the airport.
We must have spent some 10 days together out of my 19 day trip....during which time I really enjoyed her company. We did everything together...she practically lived with me all day, but I still paid her BF everyday to the BB. I think this was so that she could maintain some face with the BB owner if she decided to return to Patts
Anyhow, during our time together, she kept on telling me that she really loved me and wanted to wish we were together forever...I told her I dont think I would ever re- marry again, but she was fine with that so long as we stayed together i.e. so long as I take care of her. She wants me to sponsor her trip to the UK and apply for her visa's...I told her I would think about it.
To test her feeling that she loved me, I pretended that I had run out of money and as luck would have it, my cards were temporarily blocked by my bank as they thought there were fraudulent transactions on my account from Thailand. She say all this when we went to several ATM's to withdraw money. I told her I was worried I would not have enough money to pay her or settle the hotel bill, and she told me dont worry, everything would work out...she never once panicked that she would not get paid!
Anyhow, I got the card sorted with my bank with a phone call and paid her quite generously when I finally left. She came with me to the airport and from there she went back to BKK.
Since returning from Patts in January, we have regularly kept in touch almost ever other day by text and video call using Tango...she was always at home looking after her sisters baby.
She has never asked me to send her any money (in fact I sent her some cash for her birthday)....but I told her I would never sponsor her. I have told her that in the future, I would like us to stay together...I may even sponsor her trip to the UK, but not anytime soon
In early March, she told me that she was returning to Patts bcos she need to earn money...she has never asked me for money, nor have I offered her any
She has started working in the BB...she still keeps in touch by txt, but not as often as she used to....
A few times that I have spoken to her she still claims to love me, even when I joke with her that she probably has a new boyfriend now or will meet a new man in Patts now that she is working in the BB again, she tells me that its not so easy for a woman to tell a man that she loves me...!
She dosent hide that the fact that she goes / meets men from the BB, but insists its only to earn money....she still NEVER asks me to send her any money! But still insists she only loves me and wants to us to be together forever, whether we live in Thailand or the UK...
My plans are that in the next few years I would like to retire from my profession ( I am 50 yrs old) and spend my time between the UK and Thailand. I hope to rent a condo where we would both live together, but I dont plan to marry her or mover her to the UK....I want us to travel together and occasionally I will bring her to the UK for a short holiday of no more that 3 months at a time....
Now, the thing is that at present I am feeling very sad knowing that she is working in Patts and seeing other men, fearing that someone will snap her up before my plans come together and I will loose her all together again!
I am not in a position to move to Thailand bcos of family commitments....and I dont want to sponsor her, knowing someone else will be boom booming her....
We txt each other every other day (well I txt her everyday, but she replies every other day) and she send me her pic on Whatsapp and I must say she melts my heart....I have not felt like this for anyone in over 10 years that I have been divorced!
I have mets lots of TG's and working girls, but she really pulls at my heart strings!
I am really looking for BM's insight into what I should or should not do...how I can overcome the way I am feeling...
Suggesting that I marry her or start sponsoring her are not really an option.
I hope some BM will understand how I feel, as they may have been in a similar situation themselves in the past...
I have read many senior BM's post on Thai Girl Relationship issues and hope their response will help me deal with this issue
Thanks to everyone in advance for reading and responding to my post
Max